Amy K Collier

 

National Association of Professional Women

National Movement for America's Children

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                Beyond the Scars: my memior

                              By Amy K Collier

As my heart begins to pound faster I quickly wrapped the knife in the towel holding it tight by my side and headed back to the bathroom. Shutting the bathroom door behind me and locked it. As I walk towards the bathtub, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stopped and faced the mirror, eyes swollen and tears running down my face, I thought, look at you, what the hell are you doing, are you really this weak?  Just like clockwork the battle in my mind begins with my thoughts and the relentless recordings or voices in my head. You can’t do this; You have got to be stronger, this has got to stop. Just look at yourself, I hate you; you deserve to hurt; you deserve to bleed; you push everybody away; you can’t do anything right; nobody loves you; you are all alone, your worthless. Sobbing uncontrollably, I slowly sink to the floor. Starring at the wrapped knife, heart pounding and feeling defeated I reach for it. Your right I do deserve to bleed, I do deserve to hurt. I picked up the knife,